Saturday, 19 February 2011

ONE LINERS.. Really Funny!!!

*   I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she’s interested in, she said: Cheque books.

*   The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.

*   What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.

*   My wife thinks “freedom of the press” means no-iron clothes.

*   What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

*   Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal.

*   At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I hv lst my hand, oh! Santa: Control urself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

*   A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper. Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper? French: Toilette pepper!

*   Santa & Banta were walking in the highlands then suddenly Santa fell down in a deep hole. Banta: Are you ok? Santa: Fine thanks! Banta: Did you break anything? Santa: No, there’s nothing down here to break!

*   Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in? New employee: Yes, sir. Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.

*   Santa always leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator just in case someone wants their coffee black.

*   Santa falls in luv with a nurse… After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: “I luv u sister.”

*   Q: Why dogs don’t marry? A: Because they are already leading a dog’s life!

*   A history teacher & his wife were sitting at a table. The wife asked. ‘Anything new at work?’ He replied, ‘No, I’m teaching History.’

*   Q: What’s the diff between mother & wife? A: One woman brings you into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.

*   Santa enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and closes it. He does this again and again. Why? Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.

*   Teacher: Four beautiful girls are walking on the road. Change it to exclamatory sentence. Student: WOW !

*   Santa in an antique shop, “Do you have anything new?”
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.